It's a stupid lie to say we're all bisexual

I'm not, for starters

4 January 2014

It was lust at first sight and love after the third martini. Over a get-to-know-you-dinner I discovered all I needed to know: I had found the Perfect Woman. All the boxes were ticked and the taxi was winding its way to my bedroom when she said: ‘You should know that I’m bisexual.’

She must have seen the frown on my face because she quickly added, ‘But everyone is bisexual.’

‘No. I’m not,’ I said gently.

‘Yes you are,’ she insisted.

‘No, I’m a heterosexual,’ I said through gritted teeth.

‘No, we’re all bisexual,’ she said with muffled exasperation.

There followed an infantile exchange of Yes you are!/No I’m not! that ended when I snapped and shouted: ‘You bloody bisexuals are so arrogant — you think everyone wants to be just like you!’


She bolted from the cab and my life.

It was in 1970s Britain that I first heard this curious claim that we’re all bisexual. Back then decadence was divine, the film Cabaret was on at your local cinema, David Bowie was on your television (Top of the Pops) with his arm around another bloke (guitarist Mick Ronson). Bisexuality was so fashionable that it seemed that everyone I knew was either bisexual or pretending to be. Even David Bowie, we later learned, was faking it.

The glitter and glam of those years has gone — but the bi brigade and their fundamentalist belief that we’re all bisexual is still alive and active. A new generation of bisexual activists is no longer content to be seen as the frivolous and sexually feral offspring of the gay and lesbian movement. They want to be taken seriously, to stop partying and start protesting. The attempt by some bisexuals to acquire victim status seems absurd, no one says a bad word about them. We have gay bashers, but no bi-bashers. Have you ever heard of someone who was denounced for being bi-phobic? Young teenagers never say dismissively: ‘That’s so bi!’ When diver Tom Daley recently announced that he was in a relationship with a man, but was still attracted to women, he got an international round of applause.

So I may as well come out of the closet and confess: I don’t like bisexuals. I’m not talking about confused and troubled teenage boys and girls who live in small northern towns where a passion for both sexes can make life difficult or dangerous. Good luck to them. No, I’m referring to grown-up metropolitan bisexuals, who move in the fashionable end of the arts, academia, media, fashion, film and pop music; those who flaunt their bisexuality as a display of sexual superiority. They think they’re so cool because they’re so sexually liberated. Why, they ask, would you want to restrict yourself to just men or just women? Why not follow your heart instead of getting hung up on gender and labels?

When I reply that I’m exclusively attracted to women, I get the ‘poor you’ look and then the lecture about how heteros like me are trapped in such a rigid and limited range of desire because we’re afraid to admit our repressed longings. Men like me fear coming out as bisexual because, as Patrick McAleenan wrote recently in the Daily Telegraph, ‘male bisexuality is simply hard for many straights to tolerate’. Actually, male heterosexuality is hard for many bisexuals to tolerate.

They don’t believe that there’s such a thing as heterosexuality or homosexuality (much to the irritation of some gay activists). They argue that human sexuality is never fixed — except by the repressions of religion, social conventions etc — but is always fluid. A younger generation of women don’t even bother calling themselves bisexual, they are just ‘sexually fluid’.

The bisexuals I have met over the years have all been of the lifestyle left; they dismiss ‘mindless capitalist consumerism’ — yet their brand of bisexuality offers a kind of sexual consumerism: why have just one choice when you can have two? It celebrates the ethos that the ultimate good is the freedom of choice — never mind what or who you choose. But the ability to be attracted to and love men and women (which is the traditional definition of bisexuality) doesn’t strike me as being any more admirable than being born ambidextrous.

It was Freud who introduced the idea that all human beings are born bisexual — but even those who slip through the net of biology can still end up in the canon of Great Bisexuals. In her study of bisexuality, Angie Bowie (former wife of David) chooses to cite the following as important bisexual historical figures: Sappho, Michelangelo, Oscar Wilde, Charles Laughton — hold on! Aren’t they all gay heroes? Not any more.

Cruise the internet and you can find all sorts of top ten or top 20 lists of Great Bisexuals with figures plundered from the gay canon. I discovered that Niall Ferguson and William Rees-Mogg were both wrong to criticise the economics of John Maynard Keynes on the basis of the great man’s gayness. Keynes has been transferred, like a top footballer, to Team Bisexual. I was also surprised to discover that the essayist Christopher Hitchens is now a celebrated bisexual, just because of a few gay encounters in his student days at Oxford.

The criteria for entry into the bi canon is so slender that anyone can be co-opted for the cause — even the diarist and Holocaust victim Anne Frank. Bisexual activist Junio Russo argues that because Frank was in love with a boy (Peter Van Pels) and sexually interested in a girlfriend of hers, Frank should be considered a bisexual icon — even though Anne Frank was only 14 when she died. Russo rejects the idea that Frank could have been just going through a phase.

But then bisexuals hate the idea that it’s simply a phase they’re going through, something one grows out of. But consider the fact that so many bisexual idols end up returning to the stable, monogamous heterosexual fold. Singer Katy Perry may have boasted in her hit single ‘I Kissed A Girl’, but she actually married Russell Brand: in 2008 Lou Reed decided to stop walking on the wild side and settled down and married artist Laurie Anderson. In interviews, Angelina Jolie used to talk about her sexual attraction to women — and then married Brad Pitt.

Maybe I should have been more patient with Mrs Perfect — who knows, we could have ended up happily married, and heterosexual, by now.

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  • Ken

    So you claim that no one ever says a bad word about bisexuals and then proceed with an article vilifying them. By the way, loads of people say terrible things about bisexuals, which I’m sure contributes somewhat to the appalling mental and physical health reported by bi people (check numerous studies over the years). No people don’t get “bi bashed” as you call it but they do fall victim to homophobic attacks. To suggest otherwise is ridiculous.

    For some people bisexuality is a phase, for many people, heterosexuality is a phase. It doesn’t make either sexual preference any less valid. However, people like yourself still find it acceptable to publicly denigrate a minority group. Imagine the outrage if you’d written “I don’t like gay people” or “I don’t like Jews”. Why do you think attacking bisexual people is ok?

    I completely agree that not everyone is bi and anyone making that claim is misguided. However does that really justify hateful articles such as this? You need to grow up. There are bi teens (and adults) out there that can really do without your negativity.

    • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

      Grow up, yourself. It’s quite obviously not a ‘hateful’ article and you need to stop projecting on the text.

      • Kyra Wilder

        … LOL it’s not a hateful article are you fucking serious.

        Are you bisexual? No? Then shut your damn mouth on whether or not this article is hateful. Pretty sure the people who will ultimately be the judge of that are bisexuals, not you.

        • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

          Keep your bra on, luv.

          • Guest

            It’s unsurprising that you choose to be a misogynist and devalue my response on the basis that I’m a woman. Pathetic, but completely unsurprising.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            When you get an avatar that doesn’t have a blood splat(?) for a face, then we’ll talk.

        • Patrik

          I’m not defending his point in the slightest, but him being bisexual has *nothing* to do with his ability to judge how hateful or not a piece of text is towards bisexuals. Arguing that his argument is invalid simply because of *HIS* sexual orientation is a terrible standpoint. Especially when you’re trying to get a point of not discriminating by sexual orientation across.

          And I wouldn’t so much say that the article is hateful as it is ignorant, childish, and irate. He’s obviously writing because he’s angry about something, but there aren’t many coherent thoughts that have any sort of logical standing that can be extracted. He also manages to write things that make absolutely no sense to me as a bisexual, even trying to comprehend how they would be seen through the eyes of someone without any bisexual inclination.

        • Dougie

          First, the article is not “hateful”. It is very measured. Just because you disagree with it doesn’t make it hateful.
          Second, you are trying the “only victims can have a say” trick. This is a variant of the “only the poor can have a view on welfare benefits” line of argument. It’s nonsense but the Left have been very successful with it for the past two decades. It feeds off middle class guilt. Try the sporting version, i.e. “only professional footballers can have a view on whether Giggsy missing an open goal from 6 yards out last Saturday was pathetic” and you will see how silly a concept it is.

          • saintlaw

            I stopped reading after “measured.” Not even the author would try and pretend it was that, you obtuse buttock.

      • Louise McCudden

        It fucking well is a hateful article. You literally wrote that you don’t like me because someone decades ago who claims to share my orientation said something silly, probably while drunk to wind you up and be controversial.

        Please can I write an article about how a straight person said something silly ten years ago and so I dislike straight people? And be told I’m not hateful?

        • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

          Um, I’m not the author of the article. And in answer to your last question: not you would not be ‘hateful’. The world is not black versus white, as you seem to think.

        • f0n3man

          if you did write that article, because of your persuasion you would. to clarify swanky’s reply, it’s not only not black and white, it’s not all about you. mature people understand that some people like you, some don’t. trying to silence those that don’t doesn’t look good for you.

        • Darren McTavish

          Stop drinking the bong water, love. It isn’t doing well by you.

      • saintlaw

        From your other posts it’s clear you’re intelligent enough to see why this is a nasty article, but too stupid to refrain from playing the tough-talking contrarian.

        Much like the author and, well, pretty much every contributor to the Spectator/Telegraph et al.

        Grow up.

      • LetMyPplGo

        Parts of this article do indeed read like a hateful. childish, high school kid’s rant against bisexuality. And considering the author’s history as well as their words, trying to defend this as anything else is going to be quite difficult — unless of course you agree and also enjoy ridiculing bisexual people…

        • http://ajbrenchley.com/ Swanky

          Can you see the arm-twisting flavour of your own post? Probably not.

  • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

    Hear bluddy hear, with knobs on.

    • pedestrianblogger

      What have you got against goats?

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

        I don’t do bimorphism! : )

        • pedestrianblogger

          Even old goats need love. ; )

          • David Prentice

            Udderly ridiculous ; )

    • Rocksy


      • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

        Nah, the kids are all right : )

    • Fergus Pickering

      Everybody can speak for themselvs, and only themselves.

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

        True, but sometimes you get an Austen, Trollope, or Larkin that can speak for others, as well.

        • Fergus Pickering

          In speaking for themselves they find they have spoken for others. For some others.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            Some writers are wise enough and skilled enough to speak for those that they are not. And to them. If they were not, literature could never be instructive.

          • Fergus Pickering

            I am not sure ‘instructive’ is the word I would use – sounds like some sort of manual, but you are right.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            Edifying, then. Enlightening. Penny-dropping, eye-opening. It doesn’t have to be greatly profound or even the usual suspects (i.e. Shakespeare or the moderns that people idolize, or did once). I read the dialogue between the Jewish girl and the morally compromised Knight Templar in Ivanhoe, and it was so real and ‘true’ that I was struck with admiration. This is why Allan Bloom (himself a great knower, though a flawed man) was wrong to say that Sir Walter Scott wrote cardboard characters. Perhaps reading Scott took a different sort of imagination than the one that Bloom had.

          • Fergus Pickering

            That is rather profound. far too profound for a place like this.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            If you mean this thread and the place it’s descended to since the fanatics showed up, I agree.

          • Fergus Pickering

            That is what I mean. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a joint like this?

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            You’re right: see you around, elsewhere.

      • SimonToo

        Try convincing a politician of that.

  • Leah

    A bisexual identifying person does not magically become heterosexual or homosexual based on the gender of the person with whom they share a relationship. They remain bisexual. To say anything otherwise is to deny and whitewash their identity.

    The only allegory I can think of at this moment, is the similar denial and whitewashing of identity that too often occurs to people who identify as bi-racial.

    Ignoring the fact that ‘bisexual’ has become something of a catchall term (usually employed not for its accuracy but more for the sheer expediency of its understanding), it simply means having the capacity to love and/or be attracted to both cis-genders. Monogamy, which is what you cite to accuse bisexuals of changing their sexuality, has no bearing on one’s capacity for attraction.

    In the same way that a heterosexual or homosexual person not engaging in sex doesn’t suddenly become asexual – a bisexual person seeing a man or woman does not suddenly become hetero or homo respectively.

    I agree on the point that you dispute your ex’s assertion that everyone is bisexual. I am of the strong belief that a spectrum exists not just as some fuzzy middle without end.. But a spectrum with clearly identified polar extremes. To say that everyone is bisexual is just as insulting as saying that all bisexuals end up hetero or homo eventually.

    Perhaps this is something you should consider more fully before writing another article making judgments about someone else’s sexuality – especially when you purport to have been so offended about someone else judging your own.

    • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

      She wasn’t an ‘ex’, she was a ‘never-was’. And you’ve just, in a somewhat longwinded way, re-made the author’s point!

      • Daniel Chatfield

        The author states that it is a common belief amongst bisexuals that everyone is bisexual and uses that as grounds to “hate” them. I can assure you it is not common with the bisexuals I know.

        The author also states that “no one says a bad word about them”, that is just not true.

        • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

          Hi Daniel. I would say that someone somewhere has something not nice to say about everyone — that’s human life for you. Given the vituperativeness of the late-coming commenters, it’s a wonder that some of them can find any sex partners at all. Or perhaps to them ‘bi-sexual’ means you do it all yourself ;^)

          • Daniel Chatfield

            Bisexuals get all the crap from homophobic people as well as a great deal of stick from straights and gays who say that they are lying about their sexuality and are actually gay/straight.

            “It’s a stupid lie to say we’re all bisexual” <- I agree with this, but the author has been unable to distinguish between an individual and a population and made such wild extrapolations that only serve to highlight how out of touch he us.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            They get a lot of stick, really? I must move in incredibly tolerant circles, then.

          • Daniel Chatfield

            Yeh, it’s strange how different places in the UK are completely different in terms of acceptance.

            Just read the comments here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2490825/15-percent-people-dont-think-bisexuality-real-sexual-orientation-straight-men-times-likely-categorize-thing.html#comments

          • Louise McCudden

            Well there’s your own article to start with mate. Would you write about how you hate homosexuals? And not expect a reaction? Probably not. I wonder why.

            Who do you think you are to write this generalised bollocks about me? You have no idea what you’re talking about. At all. Why do you think you’d be so aware of the shit bi people get? Don’t you think we know what we experience better than you do?

            You have so little understanding of bi people that your article about us mentions one person you knew ages ago and two celebs (Bowie and Katie Perry), neither of who are actually bisexual!!

            Cynthia Nixon? Jessie J? Skin from Skunk Anansie? About a million others? Why not mention these? Is it because we don’t fit into your stupid little rant.

            By the way, denying people’s sexual agency and portray bisexuals, especially bi women, the way you just did, is fucking dangerous. We don’t really know what we want? You know best? Right? Right?

            Fuck you.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            Are you drunk? I don’t know why you’re addressing me and swearing, which — just a tip — doesn’t help your argument one bit. I am not the author of the article, as any casual sober glance would tell you.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            Yep, she’s sloshed on something.

          • michaelmobius1

            she’s always like that. She lives at the graun. This is a day trip

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/ Swanky

            That explains it!

          • bwims

            Intelligent comment I must say.

          • gcowks

            ‘Dangerous’? It’s a discussion, a debate, for goodness sake! We need to realise that it’s not ‘dangerous’ to discuss sexuality, race, immigration, religion or anything else. For some reason, it’s only ever those who have an issue with the precious ‘minority’ under discussion who are deemed to be a threat.

          • Jennifer

            Whether my sexuality exists is not up for debate. I’ll discuss it, but I sure as hell won’t debate it.

          • gcowks

            You do not need to debate it but I will express an opinion anyway. For my part, a discussion can involve disagreement, which means that the issues are debatable.

          • BDA

            He make it pretty clear that he had no issue with bi-sexuality, but with the pretentious media culture that pertains to represent it.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            Why the vote-downs? Idiots. I say I move in tolerant circles and you say not. What the heck do you know about it? All you do is make the public believe that bi-sexuals must be infantile. I’m beginning to believe it, myself.

          • Jennifer

            Maybe you could try not dismissed the experiences of others just because YOU move in tolerant circles?

        • bwims

          What a load of cobblers. You have a choice You are not COMPELLED to take up with someone that you cannot reproduce with, anymore than I am compelled to drink poison rather than water. It is a choice. You are lucky enough to choose, yet you complain because you get criticised for making the wrong one.

          • Daniel Chatfield

            What’s a choice? I have no choice over what I find attractive.

          • BDA

            Untrue. You can retrain your nature in all sorts of ways. But this whole choice/ not-choice is irrelevant anyway. If someone’s chooses there sexuality or not what difference does it make? If you were born a murdering psycho society wouldn’t tolerate it on that basis, so society’s toleration of peoples sexuality should have no basis in the nature/nurture arguments that everyone drones on about or waves flags for.

          • Forbidden Fruit

            Try re-training yourself to find men attractive then. If you refuse to even try, you’re a hypocrite.

            You cannot change your sexual orientation at will, with therapy or religious deliverance. You can abstain from a certain kind of sex, but you cannot change your desire for it. Please step into the 21st century.

          • Forbidden Fruit

            Not everyone wants to or can reproduce. Sex for pleasure is a thing.

            If orientation is a choice, try choosing to be in a homosexual relationship and get back to me. Of course you “could” do it, but it would feel unnatural and repulsive to you. It’s the exact same for a gay person trying to live a hetero life. What’s the point?

          • Gladis

            … Considering the overpopulation of the earth, I’d say choosing someone of the same gender and not reproducing is not only an economical choice, it’s also green. What in the world could be wrong about that?

          • Caitlin Malana Kline

            “It is a choice.”
            I don’t choose to find someone attractive or unattractive. I simply do or don’t.

            “You are lucky enough to choose, [. . .]”
            Lucky enough to choose what? That I do or don’t “take up with someone that [I] cannot reproduce with”?

            “[. . .] yet you complain because you get criticised for making the wrong one.”

            Let me go tell my aunt who *chose* to marry a man who was impotent that *you* believe successful reproduction is the only thing that determines a correct choice.

      • Alastair Houghton

        Sadly some people have decided to tack ‘cis-’ onto the beginning of various words to distinguish them from ‘trans’ versions of the same thing — e.g. ‘cis-gender’ would be the opposite of ‘transgender’.

        I think they mean well (for the most part…), but it seems to me that emphasising the difference between transsexuals and the rest of us is probably the last thing that most transsexual people want or need.

        • Leah

          Again, I would apologize if my use of cisgender appeared as if I were attempting to distinguish transgender as distinctly ‘other.’ Indeed, I thought cisgender to be a word created and used to normalize transgender. Cisgender or transgender; neither is implied as being the default. This versus transgender and non-transgender for example.

          Also, I understand where you’re coming from in that there ought to be no difference between cisgendered and transgendered people. We should respect everyone for who they feel they are and treat them accordingly.

          But similarly, I would caution you from too quickly trying to obscure people’s differences. Our differences are what make each of us unique. And provided you’re in a safe environment and willing to live openly, we should encourage people to be proud. And not always be so quick to try and force everyone who is different to blend in and fly under the radar, as it were. Of course, everyone is different. And has different feelings about it. But I know quite a few people who have transitioned and still strongly identify as ‘trans’ versus ‘male’ or ‘female.’

          So again, I just think it’s a matter of allowing people to choose for themselves what is best and most authentic for them. In each case, it can be different.

          More to the point, I certainly didn’t intend to make it appear as if I were ‘otherizing.’ I was just using the words to my best understanding.

      • Leah

        I’m sorry. You’re right, the woman wasn’t an ex. That’s my mistake. Although, I must say, that doesn’t change anything else within my response.

        The author writes that he responded to this “get-to-know-you-dinner partner’s” assertion and insistence that everyone is bisexual as:

        “You bloody bisexuals are so arrogant — you think everyone wants to be just like you!”

        If that doesn’t convey that he was slightly insulted by this woman’s insistence – I don’t know what would.

        Cisgender, according to The Oxford Dictionary denotes or relates “to a person whose self-identity conforms with the gender that corresponds to their biological sex.”

        For example, you state you are a female.. So I assume you were born biologically a female in addition to feeling that you are a female as well. The same applies to me, I was born biologically female and feel the term ‘female’ adequately represents my gender identity.

        Unfortunately/fortunately, not everyone is born feeling that synchronicity between their biology and their feelings about their own gender identity. Sometimes it’s mixed up.

        Cis-gender just refers to you and me. Trans-gender is the opposite, where a person, for instance, might be born biologically male but identify as a female.

        Bisexuality refers to being attracted to men and women. That is, men and women who identify their gender as men and women. Pansexual is the term that refers to being attracted to people of all biological sexes and gender identities. Which is why I cited cis-gender so as to exclude pansexual theory from a topic about bisexuality.

        It’s good of you that you wouldn’t be insulted if someone mistakenly thought of you as something that you are not. I too, am not insulted when someone makes incorrect assumptions about my identity.

        But I feel it’s slightly different, like in this instance, where someone doesn’t think you exist at all.

        I am bisexual. And being in a monogamous relationship with one person of one gender does not change that fact.

        At least not for me.

      • LetMyPplGo

        Cisgender simply means people whose neurological and physical gender makeup are in line. Transgender means people whose neurological gender and anatomical (genitals) gender do not match. Trans and Cis are both prefixes if you want to look up their meanings too.

        Why the OP decided to exclude trans women in their commentary I will likely never understand. People aren’t attracted only to cisgender people. In fact, often it’s impossible to tell the difference.

        It’s just a medical condition though. It isn’t a sexual orientation. And its discussion here seems irrelevant. In other words, they are confused.

        • http://ajbrenchley.com/ Swanky

          So you say. Medical experts sometimes say otherwise (thought most of them feel they can’t say anything).

      • anon

        A “cis-gender” is someone who has the same gender they were born with. I’m sorry to tell you that “I’m a female and that’s it” is incorrect. There are people who are transgender, agender, and genderfluid. These people are not a female or male “and that’s it”

    • David Prentice

      “They remain bisexual. To say anything otherwise is to deny and whitewash their identity.”

      Bollocks. I know a score of female undergrads who proudly identified as bi in their uni days and who are now happily married with kids. It was a phase. There is such a thing.

      • AR317

        No, I think Leah has a point. The gender that a bi sexual person eventually settles down with does not necessarily redefine their sexual orientation. A bi woman does not become pure lesbian just because she ends up in a monogamous relationship with a woman. She has simply made a choice of partners from her range of preferences. This doesn’t make her some sort of ‘turn-coat’ or the end of a juvenile phase, as the author seems to be implying.
        I think, on reflecting on the matter, the author is being a little lazy.

      • Troy Brooks

        Your “score of female undergrads” could still be bisexual, just because they are in relationships with men doesn’t mean they aren’t attracted to women. If you marry a redhead does that men you don’t find blondes attractive anymore? If you eat a cake does that mean you never want pie again?

        • bwims

          The important thing is they have a choice, just like heterosexuals have a choice to be faithful. There is no compulsion to dally in homosexual relationships for them, so why should they?

          • izzyisozaki

            Maybe because they had a stronger heterosexual tendency??? What have you done, a scientific survey on it?

      • Alex

        When a straight person gets married, does he/she honestly stop finding other people attractive? No, of course not, they simply ignore such feelings and stay faithful. So what on earth makes you think that if – for example – a bisexual man settles down with a woman, he couldn’t possibly feel attraction to other men any longer?

        I’m not saying there’s no such thing as a phase, but that doesn’t also mean that there’s no such thing as remaining bisexual after settling down. In short, sexual attraction isn’t affected by the presence of a serious relationship.

        • micheals1992 .

          Bi-sexuals are probably more likely to cheat on there wifes with a man since there wife doesn’t have a penis… and they may miss there homosexual side

          • izzyisozaki

            What bullshit. Either one misses fucking other people or they are content with the partner.

      • Louise McCudden

        I know lots of formerly ostensibly straight people who left their partner and are now in a gay relationship.There’s no such thing as being straight. It’s a phase.

        LOGIC haha

        • David Prentice

          Have another drink, Louise.

      • Leah

        Unfortunately, I can’t speak to the people you know and how they best identified in the past or to this day.

        I can say this though.. Identifying as bisexual doesn’t automatically preclude being ‘happily married with kids.’

        I assume, since you don’t specify, you mean happily married (to a man) with kids. But the same is also true for being happily married (to a woman) with kids.

        Again, I can’t speak for the people you know but being bisexual (to my best current understanding) means that those two scenarios can equally apply to you (one or the other) AND you can still be bisexual.

        If you identify as bisexual, choosing to make a life exclusively with a man or woman doesn’t make it a ‘phase’. It just means, hopefully, you fell in love. And monogamy felt right. And you’ve committed to a life with someone regardless of their gender.

        For some people, ‘phase’ can apply. You can proudly identify as one thing and then have it change later in life. But that has less to do with being bisexual and it being a phase.. And more to do with sexual fluidity and the changing nature of sexuality over time.

        Unfortunately, that is more difficult to quantify or qualify within a limited scope.

        So just to be clear, I agree with you, that there is such a thing as what you refer to as a ‘phase.’ However, I would also further amend that to say it’s less a phase and more to do with sexuality being a spectrum that can change over time.

        When I say: “They remain bisexual. To say anything otherwise is to deny and whitewash their identity.” I mean to reference individuals who identify themselves as bisexual.

        Perhaps your friends no longer identify as bisexual. Perhaps some do.

        It does become a question, for each person, after being in a monogamous relationship for an extended period of time.. When, if ever, do you revise your identity? Do you still feel attracted to people of the opposite or same sex? That’s something that each individual has to feel out and best decide for themselves.

        But speaking for me, when I’ve been in long term relationships with men – I still choose to identify as bisexual. And the same is true when I’ve been in long term relationships with women – I still choose to identify as bisexual.

        But that’s just me. I totally acknowledge the fact that there is difference of opinion out there.

        I took issue with this article, only because it seemed to make a conclusion that one’s sexuality is determined by who they are with at any one time. And I would reject that position.

    • bwims

      More ex cathedra statements based more on ideology than proven fact. Ooo ooo there’s that word “insulting” again! Usual left-wing ploy to close debate.

      • Leah

        Perhaps if instead of knee jerking into painting my response as just a ‘left wing ploy to close debate’ – you would see that my use of the word ‘insulting’ was one that actually agreed with what the author was expressing.

        Indeed, the author objected to (noting the arrogance of) his ex telling him everyone is bisexual. In the same way, I would object to the author’s assertion that no one is bisexual.

        Ignoring that, to take issue with one word amongst 258 without even addressing the ideas contained within… Well, that seems more of a ‘ploy to close debate’ than anything else here.

        If you would like to discuss the content of my response – feel free. However if you have nothing more to add except dismissive jargon and snark, I have nothing more to say.

    • LetMyPplGo

      As I mentioned in a reply to someone who replied to you, people (bisexual or otherwise) are not simply just attracted to cisgender people. There was really no need to bring it up unless you wanted perhaps to start excluding people? (I don’t see any logical grounds to do so however.)

      The thing is, there are already enough generalizations there without bringing in new concepts like “cisgender.” All you’re going to do is confuse the issue and step on toes.

      • Leah

        Hi, LetMyPplGo. I’m sorry, I didn’t see your earlier reply. The way disqus displays notifications, sometimes I find I don’t see all the responses.

        I’m also sorry that my response seemed to exclude trans women (or men for that matter). It was not my intention to do so. It was just my (admittedly limited) understanding that pansexual better includes trans men and women as well as those who fall outside the gender binary. It had nothing to do with being able to ‘tell’ the difference. Not at all. It was more the root definition of bisexual versus pansexual. Or at least, that’s from where I was approaching it.

        But just to play devil’s advocate for a moment, in the same way that not everyone is bisexual (as the author states somewhat ineloquently above), not everyone is attracted to people who fall outside the gender binary. While it would be nice for people to stay open to feeling attraction for a person regardless of their orientation and/or identity… Sadly, this is not the case.

        Cisgender privilege unfortunately exists. And in the context of this article, that projects a very hetero-normative slant, refuting the existence of bisexuality – I felt cisgender was an important distinction to make, given my understanding of the use of bisexual versus pansexual. Indeed, bisexuality and pansexuality are not mutually exclusive. But bisexuality on its own, in a hetero-normative light, is more what I was referencing.

        But again, I just want to make clear that I fully understand transgender is not a sexual orientation and I was under no misapprehension in that regard. I would further apologize for making it seem as if I were excluding people. It was certainly not my intention.

        • micheals1992 .

          I’ve always dreamed of falling in love with a guy and finding out “he” was a woman… lol thats probably why I find lesbians so attractive (Natalie Maines is pretty hot!)… too bad they don’t like guys :(

          not many straight girls have short hair and have the dress sense of a man

  • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

    Simon Callow couldn’t be dragged into the ‘bi’ camp. He told Pink News or whatever it’s called that he’s only ever been interested in men.

    • Fergus Pickering

      Noel Coward was a dedicated homosexual but he said somewhere that the only person he had ever truly loved was Gertrude Lawrence. Perhaps those who are not bisexual should simply get out more. I find the young Leonardo di Caprio more sexually desirable than Baroness Ashton. Byron supposedly slept with a thousand women (though he did say that they had usually initiated it). Also his sister and Percy Shelley. Actually I made that last one up..

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

        Mm I don’t like men that treat sex that lightly. The thought of a man’s percy loses inspiration when you think of all the places it’s been. Apart from his age, Mick Jagger would be ruled out even in a moment of drugged carelessness on his part, because he’s plonked it in too many parking lots. My darkness is a sacred grotto (I said grotto, not grotty). All and sundry, or those that have known all and sundry, may not enter.

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

        More serious note: that would seem to be confession by Coward that his sexuality was outside his most serious soul. Hence he used other men for pleasure without really loving them. His loss. I cannot speak for his kind, they are in some sense beyond my understanding, since I seek what I am not, not what I have already, if you catch my drift. In short, his statement was a confession of failure. Whereas I can say that I have loved men, and men only, with all that I am.

        • Fergus Pickering

          We are all more or less sexual failures, as Shelagh Delaney said. But it doesn’t matter at all, as I said..

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            I meant he was a soul failure, rather than a sexual one.

          • Fergus Pickering

            That too. We are all failures. What would it be to succeed?

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            Ah! I like this song, ‘Everybody Loves A Loser’. It may not be your genre, but it’s clever, melodic, and unforgettable: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsMAr_aNhNc

            This time two years ago, she might as well have been talking directly to me.

          • saffrin

            It doesn’t matter to you. hence;
            a) your failure.
            b) your confusion.

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    I like um disturbed, but not that xxxxing disturbed.

  • Margaret Robinson

    This article is a bunch of heterosexist biphobic bullshit.

    • James

      What an erudite comment.

  • David Lindsay

    You need to get out more.

    I suggest some small Northern towns.

  • roger

    A heterosexual man loves women, a homosexual man loves men, a bi-sexual man loves sex.
    The sexualisation of society, its commercialisation and marketing, to children and adults, is like a cancer to humanity.

    • Alex

      Firstly, bisexuality is attraction to males and females. It is not “loving sex.” (I never thought I’d have to clarify that with another human being.)

      Secondly, I think it’s fair to say that a reasonably large majority of people – not including the asexual and the celibate – love sex, regardless of their orientation. I can’t understand how you could logically limit such an idea to bisexual people. There’s nothing wrong with loving sex, yet you say it as if it’s some sort of dirty habit.

      Thirdly, let’s say for the sake of argument that a love of sex is not a normal thing experienced by the average person, but something unhealthy and tantamount to nymphomania. In that case, your argument still fails to stand, because you’re making the mistake that so many others do of confusing sexual orientation with sexual activity: you postulate that bisexual men just “love sex”, yet bisexuality does not equal a “love of sex” any more than hetero- or homosexuality equal a conservative or indifferent attitude to it. A bisexual man may fall in love with and marry either a man or a woman, and remain faithful to him or her for the rest of their life (and I can think of a couple of examples). Meanwhile, a straight or gay person may lead a promiscuous or polyamorous lifestyle involving many one-night stands or multiple partners (and surely you know this, as you seem so ready to criticise the “sexualisation of society”).

      TL;DR: Sexual attraction and sexual activity are not the same thing. One can be attracted to members of both sexes while remaining faithful to one person, while another can be attracted to members of one sex and be promiscuous/nymphomaniacal (or as you put it, “love sex.”)

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

        Of course it’s a ‘dirty habit’. To paraphrase Woody Allen, if it isn’t, you aren’t doing it right.

  • Rob

    Cosmo, your wife left you for another woman. This article is obviously just a phase whilst you get over your bitterness. Not a legitimate position, just a phase 😉

    An extremely narrow-minded take on an extremely complex issue.


    • Fergus Pickering

      I think it goes like this. His wife left him for another woman. She left him, a man, for another woman. She is perverted. He is normal. Normal men shouldn’t lose their wives to perverted lesbians. He, of course, is 100% vituous which equates to 100% heterosexual. She is perverted. She is perverted. He will write an article to show how perverted she is.

  • Fergus Pickering

    It is not a lie. It is an opinion. Who people have sex with is surely of minimal importance. ho they love may matter more. Can you love only those of the same sex as yourself? Can you love anybody at all? As for growing out of things, I don’t really believe in that stuff about growing out of things, moving on, maturing. Do you? Naw, you’re just filling the space for an article.

    • saffrin

      You are most definitely confused.

      • Fergus Pickering

        No I am not, though it s true I have amended what I wrote because it was not what I meant. I think you may be sex-obsessed. Many people are. I think the greatest love for many people is the love they feel for their children. Perhaps not in your case.

        • saffrin

          And weird.

          • Fergus Pickering

            You appear to be some sort of sex maniac

  • Eddie

    No, but we all buy it, when it comes down to it. It’s all a transaction.

  • John Davies


  • rtj1211

    As soon as anyone says ‘everyone is….’, you know that they are insecure and controlling.

    If they weren’t, they’d not give a toss whether a single other person was bisexual or not, only whether or not people were happy with the orientation they had.

  • MFR

    Bisexuals are smug media types? Or maybe it’s just your friends are smug media types? Wonder why, eh?

  • Barb Searle

    lol – I suspect if we were all ‘bisexual’ we’d all have a womb and two sets of genders attached somewhere to our bodies !

    • Cameron

      You’re confusing gender and sexuality which are totally different, and whilst relate to each other are not the same. You can’t have two sets of genders because firstly, there’s more than two genders, and secondly gender isn’t a thing that you can have attached, it’s in your head and can’t be altered.

  • Gergiev

    I think we are all on a kind of Aristotelian scale with “homosexuality” at one end and “heterosexuality” at the other. I am not suggesting that virtue lies in the median (“bi-sexual”) position, but instead that a mixture of nature and nuture puts us at a particular spot on the scale, and this can move over time (or not). In this sense we are all just “sexual” without any prefix, and should all try to relax about it, much as, I believe, Aristotle himself did (indeed it probably would not have occured to him to be otherwise).

    • Alastair Houghton

      Quite. Moreover, there are two separate things here: who you fancy and who you’re prepared to do something with. There are plenty of people out there who would freely admit to occasionally fancying someone of the same sex, but self-identify as heterosexual because (a) they mostly fancy people of the opposite sex and/or (b) they’ve decided not to act on their same-sex attractions. Likewise I expect there are people who self-identify as homosexual but would freely admit to occasionally fancying someone of the opposite sex. Both sets of people would probably — and IMO rightly — object to being categorised by *somebody else* as some kind of repressed bisexual.

      One of the big problems in this whole “debate” is that a substantial and vocal minority see it as *their* right to tell others what their sexuality is. It’s arrogant, unpleasant and presumptuous of them, and they should stop it.

    • Emily
  • Fliponymous

    This pile of biphobic nonsense is such a waste of electrons that the only reason to comment on it is to point out that if this author had said “I don’t like gay people” and then written such a screed condemning them, there would be rainbow flags 20 deep around the offices of the Spectator, but since it’s “just those annoying bisexuals” being slammed…

    Refuting this article on a point-by-point basis would take too long for me to bother with, when the simple phrase “It’s crap” serves just as well.

  • Lynnette PurpleRain McFadzen

    Cosmo,you need to find a better crowd buddy. I am a 56 year old grandmother of 4 who has worked a regular job all my life to support my family. I do party, flaunt or claim my life is better then a non bisexual. All my relationships were monogamous, like most every bi I know. You know nothing of what it means to be bisexual. So shut the fuck up.

    • pedestrianblogger

      I hope that your grandchildren are proud of you, you foul-mouthed old woman.

      • Lynnette PurpleRain McFadzen


      • Lynnette PurpleRain McFadzen

        After being called a “foul mouthed perverted old woman” by this person I can only i hope he has a drawer full of zingy come backs. See? I am bisexual so that makes me a pervert. What a bigot. and yes my grandchildren are very proud of me. Thank you for asking.

  • Kyra Wilder

    So… a straight man got approached by a bisexual woman he didn’t like, screamed at her about you “bloody bisexuals” (instead of telling her to stop? to go away? idk?), then went and wrote this slobbery, messy joke of an article.

    Fuck you.

    I don’t know what makes you think your opinion means jack shit, but it really doesn’t. You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about bi activism, you just know vague shit about gay activism and maybe a couple bisexuals (something tells me you just “know” that one bi woman though)… highly doubt bisexuals wanna hang around your stupid bi-hating ass) and are trying to attack us with it while pretending we don’t deal with this shit all the fucking time. Oh please.

    I’m not even going to begin to engage and dismantle your article – you’re trying to involve yourself in a discussion you have NO right, as a straight man, to be involved in. Stay the fuck out of queer politics when you obviously don’t have the first clue about what bisexuals deal with. Hey, here’s a tip: we’re not gay people! So we don’t deal with the same exact shit as gay people! Surprise! And we’re not a monolith! Maybe you should read a fucking book by a bisexual on bisexuality before you click away at your keyboard. Maybe then you’ll prevent yourself the embarrassment of pretending we all believe everyone is bisexual… amongst all of the other pathetic things you’ve written.

    This reminds me of why straight people piss me off so damn much. I’m glad I don’t have to be around them so much these days… it’s done wonders for my mental health.

    • Box of Frogs

      ‘it’s done wonders for my mental health.’……..Are you quite sure?
      Just let it all out….

    • Dicky14

      Fair play the rest of it but ‘Stay the fuck out of queer politics when you obviously don’t have the first clue about what bisexuals deal with’ made me think of Scotland. I’m not Scottish, been there a couple of times but curiously their politics could/will affect me even if I try to stay out of it. Just a minor point of note. We’re all in this together dontcha know? Taxi? For me?

  • Gregory Ward

    So, if I marry a man that makes me gay? And if I marry a woman, that makes me straight? Bwaaa-ha-ha-ha!

    Stupid, straighty.

  • judge_d

    It’s the selective hypocrisy which grates most in this debate.

    If somebody is in a hetero relationship when they are younger, but then becomes, or embarks in bisexual or homosexual relationships later in life, it is assumed they had repressed bisexuality/homosexuality when they were younger and seemingly ‘straight’.

    But god forbid if somebody who had bisexual/homosexual relationships should settle down in a heterosexual relationship. The bisexual/homosexual lobbies will not tolerate the idea that they could have had repressed heterosexuality when they were younger.

    Basically, they don’t accept that anyone is heterosexual. In this way the bisexual and homosexual lobbies can be just as bigotted as the hoary old right wingers who believe gay people can be ‘cured’.

    • Gregory Ward


  • Troy Brooks

    So, because you met someone 40 years ago that claimed that “everyone is bisexual” you think bisexuality is a phase? I know quite a few men that identified for years as gay but now call themselves bisexual, does that mean being gay is a phase?

  • luke

    This article is pure ignorance written by someone who obviously has no idea what they’re talking about. And yes it is hateful. To say bi people are going through a phase is unbelievable in this day and age. Would you say a gay person is going through a phase? No because its offensive and just plain wrong. Educate yourself before you go writing a biphobic article . . . and you have the bloody cheek to say bi people aren’t attacked for Theyre sexual orientation yet that is exactly what this article does

  • Jessie Lacey

    This was written in 2014? You realize this is 2014, right? This is just a terrible, hateful article.

    • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

      Did you read it?

      • Jessie Lacey

        Yes, and I am bisexual and it was never a phase and I have never said that “everyone is bisexual”. This article is trash.

        • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

          I don’t think the author ever said it was a phase for you, or that you did.

          • Jessie Lacey

            How is that not heavily implied?

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

            Use your noddle. It’s not about you, is it? Though the lack of intelligence the author refers to seems to be amply verified by the foul-mouthed mean-minded idiocy of the comments here. ‘How to lose friends and alienate people': the other posters (not YOU!) could write the book! It’s as if they think that because they’re bisexual, the world should look on them as angels, no matter how badly they behave. Well, we don’t.

      • E.a. Solinas

        Yep. And if you replaced “bisexual” with “gay,” people would be outraged at the naked, seething homophobia riddling it.

  • Cameron Procter

    What is the actual problem here? Some people have differing (yet harmless) opinions on human nature than you do? Big deal, man. Chill out.

  • pedestrianblogger

    Can’t stand bisexuals, myself. Or queers.

    • http://hrhqueenalexandria.blogspot.com/ Alexandria Web

      We don’t like you either.

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

        The people on this blog have not gone out of their way to be charming….

    • Fergus Pickering

      I think we are aware of that. Now fuck off and don’t come back. Nobody likes you.

      • pedestrianblogger

        Ho hum.

    • E.a. Solinas

      And no one can stand you. Begone.

  • Akeem

    The issue I have with this article is how bisexuals are indicated to be heterosexual if they end up with someone of the opposite gender. If a bisexual person were with someone of the same gender, I’m sure people would want to just say they were gay. In fact many people do.

    Which leads to the second point. People don’t normally talk about bisexuals in a negative fashion because they are often overlooked or forced into gay or straight categories.

    “When diver Tom Daley recently announced that he was in a relationship with a man, but was still attracted to women, he got an international round of applause.”

    To use the example of Tom Daley, I noticed that a lot of people were quick to say he was gay when the story broke, completely overlooking his attraction to women. Ignoring part of who someone is does indeed count as a negative response.

    I’d argue that Tom Daley didn’t get a round of applause because he announced he was bisexual. He got a round of applause because some people seem to think that being bisexual is the same as being gay. In other words, that he is gay because he is currently in a relationship with another man.

    But if he were to start dating a woman afterward, according to this article, he’d have been going through a phase and “…returning to the stable, monogamous heterosexual fold.”

    If that’s the case, does the logic in this article even allow the possibility that bisexuals exist? Or are they all going through a phase?

    • Knives_and_Faux

      Once a man has been with a man he is gay in the eyes of other men.
      It’s digital not analogue.

      • Fergus Pickering

        Was Cary Grant gay? I merely ask. And you can ask his wives.

        • E.a. Solinas

          And Sophia Loren, whom he was obsessed with. And who can blame him?

      • E.a. Solinas

        Well, that is a problem with the other men, their insecurity and their bigotry.

    • E.a. Solinas

      Unfortunately, lots of people do that. A friend of mine got into a fight with a gay man on imdb who insisted that a bisexual movie star who was with his male lover for many years MUST have been gay, or he never would have settled down with a man.

      Or Cynthia Nixon. Long-term, loving relationship with a man, yet when she entered a similar relationship with a woman, people insisted she was a lesbian.

  • agneau

    Pay per word journalism.

  • http://hrhqueenalexandria.blogspot.com/ Alexandria Web

    See you made sense for the first couple of paragraphs, not everybody is bisexual, I am bisexual but I also hate the assumption that everybody is (it would make my life so much easier if they were), but then? Urgh I don’t even know where to start with how problematic this is.
    You talk about how biphobia is not a thing, and yet here you are being pretty biphobic yourself, funny you should mention Tom Daley actually as his coming out is a perfect example of bi erasure in the media, most of the papers said he had come out as gay, when in fact he said that he still liked women as well.
    I’ve experienced prejudice against me because of my sexuality from both straight and (worryingly more often than not) gay people, it has been assumed that I am faking my sexuality to please men or I’m just a half closeted lesbian (no and no),both of which are pretty phobic if you ask me.
    I realised I was bi at 14, it was not a phase, I am really sick of the “phase” assumption too by the way, why do we never ask young straight people if they’re sure they’re not just having a “straight phase”? I mean are they absolutely one hundred percent sure it’s not a phase? If they haven’t tried having sex with someone of the same gender how can they know for sure they’re straight?
    Also in closing, a bisexual person being in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender to them doesn’t suddenly become straight, they’re still shock horror bisexual, I’m engaged to a man, it doesn’t stop me being attracted to women. To quote an Erica Moen cartoon you don’t suddenly become asexual if you’re single do you?

    • E.a. Solinas

      Good for you.

  • Terry Field

    A real indicator of the deranged people who are unchallenged as our civilisation finally putters out. Of course we are not all bisexual.
    Pure, undiluted garbage,
    Proving a negative?
    Wh bother to try.
    Just leave.
    I did
    Thank God.

    • E.a. Solinas

      And nobody misses you.

      • Terry Field

        Slow reader, aren’t you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Robert

    Can’t believe what I’m reading. I identify as gay, but I’m still open to the fact that one day a woman could come along and change that. That doesn’t mean I just ‘decide’ to be straight, it just supports the theory that sexuality is fluid.

    • E.a. Solinas

      And you are very enlightened. There are lots of gay and straight people who fall for someone outside their normal sexual spectrum. Sometimes they even live happily ever after with that person.

      My personal opinion, based on experience, is that most people are POTENTIALLY bisexual. Most people are not at the most extreme of the sliding scale — self-identified straight people may fall for one person of the same sex for every so many of the opposite, but it still does happen. Same with gays, only in reverse.

      Sadly most people aren’t open to this idea because they fear what people would think.

  • Ringstone

    “confused and troubled teenage boys and girls who live in small northern towns”

    Small northern towns: provincial wouldn’t do, it had to be northern didn’t it? Media shorthand for the ends of the Earth; full of knuckle dragging Neanderthals, flat caps, whippets and slagheaps. You’ve got to pity a world view that takes in New York, Moscow and Beijing, but stops at South Mimms Services Northbound.

  • Alex D. Jones

    “They think they’re so cool because they’re so sexually liberated.” How do sentences like this get past the editors?

    A ludicrous, insulting tantrum of an article that achieves nothing beyond checking off every bi-phobic stereotype in list order.

    • ParableGreg

      I echo this statement. Tantrum is the perfect word.

      I also love how you’ve managed to sneak in “going through a phase”. Fuck this. I and about 90% of other bisexuals have had this said to us many times throughout our lives. From 15-23, it’s been said every single year of my life. Perhaps you should’ve listened to that woman who claimed you were and go eat a bag of dicks.

      • E.a. Solinas

        I suspect the woman was right, and that is what sparked off this tantrum.

  • alan shearer

    fuck off you cunt

  • Matt J

    I oh good grief. In trying to write a piece claiming that bi-phobia doesn’t exist, you’ve successfully demonstrated that it most certainly does exist.

    • E.a. Solinas

      And that people who have it are proud of it.

  • Guest

    Unbelievable that this willfully ignorant, bitter piece got past the editor.

    For the record, bisexuality is not mutually exclusive with monogamy. I identify as bisexual, as I have had relationships in the past with other women, but when I met the love of my life, he turned out to be a man. I still get crushes on women, which makes me bi, but I am, arguably, in a practical sense, heterosexual, as I do not plan to have sex with anyone other than my husband. It feels odd to say I am a heterosexual though, as my husband likes to point out, I got hotter under the collar about Katy Perry in her leopard-print bikini than he did. While I used to say that I was “functionally hetero,” it just felt evasive, like when Peter Mandelson said he was being illustrative, when really he was lying.

    To argue with other peoples choice of identification is pointless, mean spirited and idiotic. Go ahead and try to pass judgement on other people’s mental lives, I guarantee you you are just embarrassing yourself.

  • you have no clue

    My three best friends haven’t spoken to me since they found out I’m bi. How can you ignore the most blatant discriminations of our age?

    • Nohourwastedinthesaddle

      Who is discriminating? You can get work and housing, can’t you? You can live and move about just like anyone else. If certain people turn out not to be such good friends after all, what would you suggest? Your only option is to find people that will like you no matter what. But no one can compel someone else to think what he doesn’t think. And the desire to compel someone to think what you think they should think is tyranny — which is hardly an improvement on discrimination, is it?

      • E.a. Solinas

        So being treated badly for your sexuality doesn’t count as discrimination in your view unless you’re kicked out of your apartment or lose your job. How enlightened you are. Please don’t talk.

  • Nohourwastedinthesaddle

    What did readers think of the movie, Blue Is The Warmest Color? The actresses were straight women playing lesbians. The movie is so graphic that they had to wear custom-made false vulvas for the secks scenes.

  • cremaster

    I’m glad I don’t live in London. It the above is anything to go by, it’s full of absolute jerks.

    • cremaster

      Whoops. Too many ‘likes’. What I meant by ‘jerks’ was not the author, but the smug metrosexuals he was criticising.

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

        Thanks for the clarification, C. : )

  • wiseauwizard

    You say it’s a stupid lie to say we’re all bisexual. That’s fair enough, not everybody is. But it’s even stupider to say that just because the celebrities you listed settled down into monogamous relationships with members of the opposite sex means they are no longer bisexual. Perhaps you got it mixed up with polygamy (not in the multiple spouses sense). A fairly common mistake to make sadly, but one that could have easily been avoided by doing some basic research. Maybe next time you should consider doing that rather than posting an ignorant article.

    • E.a. Solinas

      Yeah, you see a lot of people going, “See? Bisexuality isn’t real because they settle down with someone! That means they were gay or straight all along, because a bisexual person wouldn’t settle down with either!”

  • TheBoisterousSeaofLiberty

    I see the sex maniacs are out in force. Their comments rather prove the author’s point.

    • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

      Indeed they do: foul-mouthed, utterly without wit or cleverness, unkind and black-and-white. According to them, you either luv luv luv them or you’re a fiend from hell. Most of them appear to have got the call on the grievance grapevine and have not bothered to read what the author actually said.

    • E.a. Solinas

      I see the biphobes are here. Their simplistic comments and naked bigotry rather prove their inferior intelligence.

  • Edward Thompson

    I’m straight or I think I am. At Uni as at school I had gay friends and straight friends. Why are we getting worked up about this? There are a lot of worse problems in the world.

    • E.a. Solinas

      Because the author loathes his own same-sex attractions, and is desperately trying to convince the world that he’s straighter than straight.

  • pdhan

    What a pointless, whingeing and unpleasant piece.

  • sa

    Of course bi people are bashed but since no one seems to have a problem with straight relationships, they’re generally stigmatised for their same sex ones. Ignorant homophobics tend to think of bi people’s gay tendencies as overshadowing their straight ones, so anyone who has same-gender sex is a ‘homo’. No need to differentiate between types of discrimination in the mentally limited minds of bigots.

    • http://ajbrenchley.com/namaskar Swanky

      Bashed by whom, exactly? How? I think the lot of you are blow-hards.

      • E.a. Solinas

        Bashed by gay people AND straight people (often by people in denial about their own bisexuality). Not to mention bi erasure, insisting that it doesn’t exist. You want proof? Look at the comment section of any article involving bisexuality. LIKE YOUR OWN COMMENT.

        Both groups often insist that bisexuals are “greedy,” deceptive, slutty, etc. And of course, large segments of both groups insist that they would never date a bisexual person because bisexuals are slutty and will cheat.

  • joespivey

    I like these sort of articles where the title is an entirely reasonable statement, yet the article continues at some length, drifting deeper and deeper into objectionable and offensive territory, to the point where the article has little to do with the title at all.

    It makes me warm to think that I can get such journalistic standards outside the Daily Mail.

  • Adele Quested

    The bisexuals I know are the first to complain about that “Everyone’s a bit bi”-line. But maybe I’m just not hip enough to hang with the sort of awful people the author of this piece seems to hang with.

  • El_Sid

    Cosmo seems to be using the idea that sexuality is a continuum to set up a straw man here. If you mix 99 pots of blue paint and 1 pot of red paint the result will technically be a shade of purple, but for all practical purposes it will be blue – and no doubt if it was conscious, it would consider itself vehemently blue.

    So Cosmo – do you question the idea of sexuality being a continuum? There’s clearly a genetic component to it – the Swedish twin study of Långström et al (2010) put it at 35-40% for men. And it’s not simple Mendelian genetics, we’re not talking flower colours in peas. Any complex phenotype like that will involve dozens of genes (and dozens of environmental influences) and will be expressed as a continuum. Hell, even gender has shades of grey when you get up close to it (individuals with XXY chromosomes, and even women who are XY).

    Personally I’m well up the heterosexual end of that continuum, but I’m still happy with the idea that it is a continuum. Heck, maybe I’m only 99 pots of blue rather than 100% – I can recognise that David Beckham is a beautiful human being even if I have not the slightest interest in shagging him.

    That last paragraph is a perfect example of why arts graduates should not be allowed to have any say in anything important ever. It’s a basic statistics problem, a lack of sample size. Say there’s a chap who is 50:50. In the granular environment of 20-something dating he can express that ambiguity by having sex with both men and women – not necessarily alternately, he might date 7 men and 3 women, just the luck of the draw of who he meets. But then he has to make the decision to choose a single person with whom to become monogamous (possibly in front of a crowd of hats). It’s either/or, a single bite of the cherry which necessarily involves suspending 50% of his sexuality.

    The rewards of monogamy may be sufficient trade; a heterosexual LTR also offers the prospect of propagating his genes and a family life (yes I know there are other ways of organising it, but it’s the main way) and again that need to procreate may outweigh his need to shag blokes without eliminating it. The presence of kids acts as a ratchet in favour of the heterosexual side, reducing the rate at which hetero couples split up. But if people do split up and have a second bite of the cherry, perhaps after children are on the agenda, then in this case there’s a 50:50 chance our man will end up with a bloke. Even if he ends up with a second woman, it doesn’t prove he’s 100% heterosexual, it just means our sample size of “Joe Bloggs’ long-term relationships” is too small to describe his sexuality.

    Put it another way – a football team thrown their boots in a pile after a match. We take one out and it’s a left boot. Cosmo would conclude that the team all have two left feet and that if they ever did allegedly wear right boots, it was just a phase they went through. In reality, we just don’t have a big enough sample size, we can conclude that the pile of boots has an element of left-bootedness, but we can’t rule out the possibility of it having right boots as well.

    • E.a. Solinas

      Well put. It’s like flipping a coin — if you only do it twice, and get tails, then it doesn’t mean that it will always land that way.

      A good example is Alan Cumming, who is openly bisexual. Married to a woman for many years until they split for reasons unrelated to his bisexuality (in his memoir, he speaks of her with nothing but affection), and now he’s married to a man.

  • bwims

    It’s a wonderful example of DoubleThink, as forecast by Orwell, isn’t it?

    a) Homosexuals insist that sexuality is fixed at birth, they have no ability to choose.

    b) Bisexuals can choose. Either bisexuality is inherent, or it is a nature fixed at birth.

    (Doublethink: the ability to hold two mutually exclusive concepts in your mind and accept both as true).

    My suspicion is that sexuality is like intelligence: about half genetic and half imprinting by the first pleasurable experience.

    The idea that anyone cannot be “cured” is laughable. The fact that heterosexuals can be trained by pornography and “specialists” into various forms of perversions (if I am allowed to use that word any more) involving e.g. animals, inanimate objects etc. leads one to suppose that the whole thing is as much a matter of mental training as anything else – though of course our Marxist masters of political correctness will disagree.

  • Sue Mccafferty

    Oh dear. Anyone would think Cosmo hadn’t got over his ex wife running off with a woman.

  • Francisco Ringoli

    A free country’s rewards communicate how much certain achievements are worth, regardless of the amount of effort expended in their pursuit.

  • BDA

    Please all go and bone or lick something/one and stop being so bothered about it

  • http://www.unexplodedtruths.com/ Sam Morris

    Author doesn’t like it when some people say everyone is bisexual.

    Author proceeds to attribute an entire worldview and culture to all bisexuals everywhere.

    Author is a bigot,

    I hate authors. All authors bigots!

    • E.a. Solinas

      Am good logic!

  • Logan Hicks

    Not every bisexual individual is part of the Bi brigade. Thanks for slapping all of us under one cleanly labeled stereotype. That isn’t showing bias or prejudice at all. The moment you wrote such a hateful article targeted at B in LGBT, you disproved your point. You’re biphobic so clearly, biphobia isn’t some myth. You talk about arrogance and condescension from the bisexual community, but you’re telling me I’m bisexual so I can be arrogant and greedy because I apparently have I choice. I don’t have a choice; I’m attracted to people, some are men, some are women, but I make no active decision making in my sexual attraction. Take your condescending bigotry and stuff it.

  • ricky

    This article is a bunch of bullshit…especially whenhe talks about bixsexuals feeling superior i for one feel no better then the average straight guy and for the author to sit and take the actions of a few and represent it as the whole bisexual community proves his ignorance

    • E.a. Solinas

      And that he’s a bigot. If someone substituted “gay” for “bisexual,” the entire piece would be dismissed as a paranoid right-wing screed by a person who is probably also racist and sexist.

  • Julie Burchill Raven

    I sort of agreed with the THRUST of this piece. Then I remember being MARRIED to the ass-hat. It didn’t just turn me gay, it turned me LESBIAN! (Albeit for six months, before meeting my husband of 20 years.)

  • gerihewitt

    This is article really is embarrassingly bad. But it kind of makes sense that Cosmo hates bisexuals I suppose, because he used to be married to Julie Burchill.

  • Cary A bailey

    Most people are not bisexual, but a lot of people have a sexual hang up about it. My flatmate was laughing about a picture of two gorillas in a 69 position. When I pointed out to him they were silverbacks (males), a pained perplexed expression appeared on his face. He once told me that Jesus didn’t approve of homosexuals & AIDS came from gays. People like him have been programmed to be homophobic by their western culture. This may be why some bisexuals believe everyone would be bisexual if it wasn’t for this reason.

  • Jeff

    Wow. Talk about projection. You sound pretty gay, to be honest.

  • E.a. Solinas

    Wow, the biphobia is blinding. Your snotty, sneering attitude towards bisexuals based on a single argument kind of hints that you may be protesting too much.

    Oh, and bi people are bashed ALL THE TIME. It’s just considered more acceptable socially because a lot of the people doing the bashing are gay. Just because you don’t see it does not mean it doesn’t exist.

    You want proof? YOU JUST WROTE THE PROOF. You wrote a whole article bashing bisexuals CONSTANTLY. So you just tore apart your own argument.

    People who are so utterly adamant about how much bisexuals suck seem like the homophobes who are hiding their sexual attraction to their own gender. In other words, being so violently biphobic makes me wonder if you’re hiding something.

  • E.a. Solinas

    Wow, the biphobia is blinding. Your snotty, sneering attitude towards bisexuals based on a single argument kind of hints that you may be protesting too much.

    Oh, and bi people are bashed ALL THE TIME. It’s just considered more acceptable socially because a lot of the people doing the bashing are gay. Just because you don’t see it does not mean it doesn’t exist.

    You want proof? YOU JUST WROTE THE PROOF. You wrote a whole article bashing bisexuals CONSTANTLY. So you just tore apart your own argument.

    People who are so utterly adamant about how much bisexuals suck seem like the homophobes who are hiding their sexual attraction to their own gender. In other words, being so violently biphobic makes me wonder if you’re hiding something.

  • Absolutely The Truth

    Well i can certainly say that there are without a doubt much more Gay And Bi Women nowadays that are making it much more difficult for us Straight Guys looking to meet a decent normal Straight woman today.

  • So Very True

    Well there are certainly many women today that are Gay And Bi.

  • Ollie Walton-harrod

    Is this a serious article or just someone trolling? Although the overall point that not everyone is bisexual is probably true, that is certainly not the view of many bisexuals. And bisexuals do get a lot of grief for having that sexuality. I assure you, if Tom Daley had come out as gay, the reaction would have been the same.

  • goodgirl111

    the gods were bisexual

  • Forbidden Fruit

    I hate when people say things like “look past gender” or “love the person, not the gender”. Either sexual orientation is a choice or it’s not (hint: it’s not). Someone who’s gay or straight can’t simply “look past gender” because that’s not how attraction works. Real bisexuals know this. It’s the faux-bi hipsters who push this nonsense.

    I’m perfectly fine with straight sex on an intellectual level but it repulses me on a physical one. Some people are naturally repulsed by lesbian sex, which doesn’t offend me in the least. As long as you treat me as your equal in the real world, you can think whatever you want about my sexual practices.

  • Guest

    The only stupidity is closed mindedness. Plenty of which you have, Cosmo Landesman. You are an intellectual inferior unable to process or analyze who or what you are due to external forces of society which you are so eager to fit into.

  • Anon

    My view is that most women are bisexual but most men are one way or the other. Seriously, this is a pretty obvious fact and we all know it.

    • Isis Kearney

      The Kinsey report actually showed that a far higher proportion of men were bisexual than women.

  • Isis Kearney

    46% of bisexual teenagers experience bullying, suicide and self harm. They’re the most bullied group out of all the lgbt community. Biphobia definitely exists, and diminishing their struggle into nothing just because of a personak dislike is the exact reason why they need to flaunt it in the first place.

    As for the bisexual (or as you put it ‘gay’) heroes cited by Angela Bowie, while I’d need to do more research myself to determine the truth, it is possible that they are indeed bisexual heroes but are labelled as gay heroes due to bisexual erasure. I’d need to do more research on that, I wouldn’t dismiss it though.

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